Be positive Derry: Claire's story
Here is this week's entry and the second story in the #bepositivederry project. This story comes from a really good friend of mine and I am so delighted she agreed to share her story. I have witnessed her struggle first hand and am pleased to see her doing well and in a better place. You'll see Claire's story focuses on her internal struggle and using her inner light and strength that we all have deep down to pull herself up again. Sometimes, that shining internal strength only shows up when we are faced with the greatest challenges and there's nothing left. It's in all of us! Now, here's Claire's story:
Well, I’m really not sure if I will word this right, but I’ll do my best. For me, my really bad time started early last year (2014). This was when I noticed a slight drop in moods, attitude, interest in hobbies, and drop in appetite and even leaving the house became a bother. I tried to let this go...to control it, but it inevitably controlled me. It led to a scary, rapid weight loss and feeling extremely low. I felt completely lost.
The first way I described it was like I was in deep water, drowning. Falling deeper and deeper. Everyone around me was 100%, but I still felt darkness and it clung to me. I tried to be brave. I put on a mask and hid it from a few for the first few weeks. However, it got harder and harder. I dropped that brave mask as I hadn’t the energy to hide it anymore. I felt completely transparent. Around this time, I remember going out with good friends for a birthday get together and we had a good night. I went home happy. Then, just days later, I took a massive dip and I was hospitalised.
I was hospitalised for a week and when I was discharged, I assumed I was fine. I listened to everyone’s lines and promises, for example, “When you get home, I’ll help you.” I used other people’s promises, which turned out to be false promises, as my crutch. I realise now, that’s not how you get better. You have to want it yourself and fight for it yourself. Fight for a change. Because I depended on others so much to help me, to fix me, I found myself hospitalised again.
Many may think that this would be the scariest thing to ever happen to someone, but this was my turning point. In my gut, I developed the fight within myself that would get me through. This was MY struggle and I had to beat it. You have to hit rock bottom.
It took me until October (2014) to find myself again. Through my own self-determination, a group of honest and trustworthy friends, and a good network of professionals I trusted, I started being able to be me again. I was able to get up and out and do the things I never thought I would be able to do because, you see, there’s a stigma with what I had been through: depression leading to hospitalisation. At first, I let that stigma control for a few weeks, but then I threw my fingers up at it and said, “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”
So, basically my turnaround came from within and to fight my own corner. Exactly a year later, my life has completely turned 360 degrees. I’m sitting with a new baby and I’m okay and thankful I’m still here because if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have my new baby boy blessing.
I’ll leave you with a thought, “If it’s to be it’s up to me!”